On a Hiatus

I guess I will be putting this blog on a hiatus since it seems unlikely that I will continue with the IVF treatment in near future. I may be back IF the hormones therapy for Uterine Cancer works on me. At least it was the doctor's plan for me to continue with the IVF if my cells are able to turn back to normal with the hormones therapy.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that the hormones therapy will work. Good Luck to me!

What does it mean to have cancer?

What does it mean to have cancer? I have been pondering over this question again and again  over the past 1 week.

I think to most people, being diagnosed with cancer seems to be a death sentence. Images of people suffering after undergoing chemo flashed across my mind. It definitely felt like a death sentence at first. I had been more emo recently and had been crying every now and then even before the day op as my sixth sense told me that the doctor had suspected it to be cancer. But the day when the doctor confirmed the results, it was probably the first time in a long long time when I bawled my eyes out until they were swollen the next day. I had to apply ice to my eyes to make it less swollen so that I can head out. I told myself that I can't keep crying over this. I don't want to keep crying over something that I have no control over because I knew that no matter what, life has to go on. Whether I am happy or not. So why do I want to let my quality of life be affected? I don't want to spend the rest of my life this way. 

I started reading up about Endometrial Cancer (Uterine Cancer). It helped me understand what could be the possible reason that I am down with it but it does not answer the biggest question on my mind now. So, I am diagnosed with Uterine Cancer at Stage 1. Then now what? What am I supposed to do next?

Life didn't feel any different. While I was there crying, life is still going on. Nothing will stop for me. Nothing.

Maybe it is because I was diagnosed during an early stage so this death sentence didn't feel so real yet since it is supposed to be still "curable". Or maybe because I have yet to speak to the Gynaecological Cancer Specialist. So I have yet to be really put into perspective on what am I supposed to expect.

I did not tell a lot of people about my condition because I feel there is no need to. The only people I told were the friends whom I am closest to and my colleagues because it is impossible for me to hide it from them. I really find it pointless to let everyone know. So what if I tell them? There is nothing they can do about it. The biggest irony is that I probably have to keep reassuring people that I am alright, I am perfectly fine and they do not need to worry about me. I do know they mean well and they are just concerned about me and I am really touched. Maybe it is my character but I do feel abit awkward when my friends are over-concerned about me. In fact, I told my gf that I think she is abit over dramatizing the whole thing. Even though I think she was being really sweet as well. 

Let me say this again... I am fine. Really. Life goes on with or without me... Being diagnosed with Stage 1 Uterine Cancer is not the end of world.

Uterine Cancer

I knew the results of my Ultrasound Pelvis was bad. I actually asked the Doctor if it is cancer. However, being doctors, they probably don't want to give me an answer unless they are 100% sure. So all they told me then was that the possibility of cancer is there but they will need me to undergo D&C and do a biopsy of the cell sample collected before they can be certain. 

I guessed I do know how bad my results were because I could sensed that the date and timing of my D&C was squeezed. KK actually did not have any availability until April. However my doctor pushed them and told them she will perform the op herself and which was why they managed to squeeze the date of my op into March. 

I went through the D&C and was scheduled to be back at KK two weeks later for the review of my results. However, I received a call from KK within the week to ask me back earlier, saying the doctor would like to discuss my results with me. This was a call that I had dreaded. I knew they would not have asked me to go back earlier unless it is bad news. After that call, I received sms from KK reminding me to go for some Diagnostic Imaging a day after my new review date. I was puzzled as I was quite certain I was not informed to do any Diagnostic Imaging at all. On the day of my review, KK called to remind me to fast for my MRI and CT Scan. Because I am supposed to go for MRI and CT Scan, I was quite sure that the results of my biopsy most probably mean I have cancer even before the review. 

I had hoped that I was wrong. Unfortunately, it was not the case. The doctor told me that based on the biopsy, it looks like it is Uterine Cancer at Stage 1. However, this was only based on 1 set of result that they had on hand. They would need me to do a MRI and CT Scan to confirm it had not spread to other parts of my body. 

I did my MRI and CT Scan the next day. The only thing I am hoping for now, is that the cancer cells are contained in my uterus and had not spread to other parts of my body. My biggest dread now, is how am I going to break the news to my parents. I have still not figure that out yet. Sigh...